craving, conversion, confidence

"Once we had no delight in God, and Christ was just a vague historical figure.  What we enjoyed was food and friendships and productivity and investments and vacations and hobbies and games and reading and shopping and sex and sports and art and TV and travel ... but not God.  He was an idea - even a good one - and a topic for discussion; but he was not a treasure or delight. 

Then something miraculous happened.. First the stunned silence before the unspeakable beauty of holiness.  Then the shock and terror that we had actually loved the darkness.  Then the settling stillness of joy that this [experience of holiness] is the soul's end.  The quest is over ... And then faith that if I come to God through Christ, He will give me the desire of my heart to share His holiness and behold His glory.  But before the confidence comes the craving.  Before the decision comes delight." 

~ John Piper, Desiring God, p. 71-72

I've lived most of my life in that first scenario, simply "believing" in and talking about the idea of God.  I thought, and had been taught, that conversion to following Christ only involved that last step - "faith .. coming to God .. confidence ... decision" - however you say it.  I never realized until last fall that faith was a reaction.  And it's not a reaction only to my poorly-placed love; it's first a reaction to God revealing His unspeakable beauty and holiness, the light by which I am even able to recognize that my love was misplaced.